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Emotional Support for Mothers with Special Needs Babies

Watching TV shows such as the House of Tiny Terrors I’ve realized something. I’m not the only mother who has made mistakes in raising my babies, and the mistakes I’ve made that are mirrored in these shows are made by mothers who, like me, made them out of fear. They gave birth to a baby who for one reason or another was taken straight into a special care baby unit, and for a number of weeks (or even months) they watched anxiously as doctors, nurses and machines helped their baby to thrive. For many of them, the first few days were a time of uncertainty of whether or not their baby was going to live. Once the baby does start to thrive however, and has reached what the hospital decrees is a reasonable weight to go home, then mother and baby are sent out of the hospital without any more emotional support than a “good luck” from any nurses who happen to be standing around.

I don’t think this is good enough. I didn’t think it was enough in my own case, but I’ve now discovered thanks to these programmes that I’m not alone – and that in itself is helpful to know. There’s more to the emotional side of mothering these special babies than just mothering a newborn. This is a newborn that for one reason or another was thought may not survive. This is a newborn who is usually tiny. This is a newborn that the books don’t tell you how to take care of. This is a newborn that you are terrified may still have problems the doctor’s haven’t seen yet and you are paranoid to let it out of your sight, and so you stay awake all night watching it breathe, then the baby’s awake all day because it can’t get used to the silence of a home after the activity in the hospital, and pretty soon you’re exhausted but you still can’t let go of the fear that something will happen to your precious baby, and so the exhaustive routine goes on – until you end up in a situation like these parents of some of the children in the TV shows where your now toddling child has problems with eating and/or sleeping.

It’s just my opinion based on watching the shows, and also knowing my own feelings dealing with a premature baby, that if mothers were helped emotionally during the time their baby was in the hospital, when they had time to sit and talk to someone – whether a professional counsellor or a mother who’s raised a child from a premature birth – about what they feel, and fear, and get it all out, then maybe they won’t make the mistakes that are born from paranoia and a terror of losing that baby. Maybe they’ll get a chance to relax enough to enjoy their newborn’s first days at home after all the time they’ve spent in the hospital – instead of looking back on them as a time of worry and dread.