Please don’t run a mile. I know, I really do. I know that your dad / granddad / grandfather / creepy uncle has about seventy rotting National Geographic magazines stashed in his toilet, but the magazine has come a long way since its humble beginnings. No longer is N.G. the prime reading material of bearded reclusive dorks everywhere, it is now as modern as not saying thankyou when someone opens the door for you and as widespread as cadaver faced (more…)

These occasions are always the same. My friends and I are sitting in a pub minding our own tank-top wearing, bowls and polo conversing business, and then I hear someone say something which needs to be put right, and I find myself asking my chums if they are going to come with me or if (more…)

A good friend of mine is currently looking for secondary education jobs and has realized that, well over half of all newly qualified teachers are unprepared when it comes to dealing with aggressive pupils. This is obviously a bit of a concern, because violence erupts so frequently in many of today’s classrooms. But I think we should be concentrating more on why it is now such a huge issue. After all, it never used to be like this.

There has (more…)

The first thing that bothered me (this was well before I even got it anywhere near my face) was the horrendous noise. The thing was only small but it sounded highly dangerous, like it might explode at any moment. What if I dropped it? What if what if what if?

I tried to calm myself down, telling myself It’s only a toothbrush, it’s only a toothbrush–and that worked for a while, but then I put the toothpaste on. That was when things got sinister.

The toothpaste shook, as if it were alive. As if the sinister electric toothbrush were capable of taking an inanimate paste and making it real. I took the plunge and put the head against my teeth. The head vibrated, and the beast threatened to explode–

The beast did not explode. I didn’t give it chance! Instead I chucked it straight in the bin (and I hadn’t turned it off so the whole bin was vibrating with a horrible tinny sound, making it creep along the floor) and legged it out of the bathroom. Twenty minutes later I returned and finished the job with my normal, easy-going, how-it’s-meant-to-be toothbrush. Now I feel much happier.

–>

This whole thing about ‘Is there life apart from us?’ just has to stop, just like Follicular unit extraction surgery should really be simplified, because it’s just daft. I have never heard anything quite so stupid (apart from when my friend confessed that he had never seen ‘Saturday Night Fever’ which just seemed absurd). I mean, just stop it now please people. Stop being so dumb.

I am not going to rant on and on about how many planets there (more…)

My opinion is No!

This subject came up in my head because of the pub last night. Or, more specifically, the conversation we were all having. Five blokes and Suzette. That may sound like some dodgy film but actually it was just five good mates having a drink after work. I love these little chats. It’s never less than interesting, and sometimes it can even be good.

Back to the high heels thing. Dave had brought it up, and wouldn’t Dave of all people? I don’t know why but everyone I have ever met called Dave has looked like a pervy old man (although I wouldn’t go as far as to call this a generalization, especially not on a blog!)

The conversation, if it could be condensed (which it shall have to be), went like this: Mat was saying high heels were wicked, and so was Ted, and then, out of nowhere, Dave surprised us all. “I don’t like them as much as them flat shoes, and I heard they give you skin lesions on the heels,” he said, and we all nearly fell off our chairs like a bunch of drunken sailors!

“You what?” said

Dave confirmed it was like that. So there you have it girls, high heels aren’t always the answer!

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Life on other planets has been has intrigued mankind for generations. The idea of an alien race with equal or superior intelligence to ourselves has fascinated scientists, writers, philosophers and the common man. It would truly be a wondrous thing for humanity if there is indeed life in the universe aside from Earth.

Images of Star Trek come to mind. A world united; our petty political problems would seem pathetic and inconsequential. The world would change drastically, and not just (more…)